I miss him!
That's strange. I hate him for what he's done to me and at the same time I just can't imagine that he's gone from my life. I miss him already! I was thinking about us last night. The most annoying thing is that he has nothing to reproach for himself. He blames me for what's happening but don't I have the reasons to feel and behave like that? I'm not sick, he can have friend - girls, but there is something wrong with his obsessive interest in women. He says that it's not true but I've seen enough. And I was very understanding. Very. Which woman would agree for her boyfriend to call the other women "baby" etc. Which one would agree him to watch the other women taking their clothes off? Which one would agree him to adore them, to say complements that he's never said to her? It's not fair that he even doesn't have a time to text me while he has a break at work, just to ask if I'm ok or just to say "hi", just to let me know that he thinks about me, that he cares. At the same time he always have a time to text others "Hi babe. How r u? R u having a nice day? Bla, bla, bla..." And he's surprised that I' upset... It's really not fair!
I would do everything for him. I care about him really much. He doesn't have to worry about nothing at home and I really don't mind to do everything by myself. I would be happy just to know that I'm making him happy - that's all I wanted. To make him happy, to make him feel that he found someone for the rest of his life, that he doesn't have to worry about anything cos I'm here for him always, always will support him. But he just doesn't appreciate that. I'm not saying that I'm perfect buy at least I try. I know he misses his family and I wanted to give him one on his own to make him feel like at home. I know we can't be instead of his mother and godmother but I thought he'll be more happy here having us. It seems that I was wrong. I don't know anymore what can I do for him. I don't know what is he looking for still if he says that he loves me. Sometimes I think that he is with me cos he feels comfortable knowing that he has a place to come back and everything is waiting for him but I'm not good enough for him, I'm not enough pretty, enough smart, enough funny, enough sexy. That's why he behaves like that cos he finds in other women what I can't give him. It hurts badly... It really hurts!
In my dreams I see him coming back home, kissing me and saying "It's so good to be at home. I missed you", looking at Luana and saying "I'm so happy that she's here even if I wasn't ready to have kids, I can't imagine myself that she's not here", "I'm happy to have you all", "thank you that you care about me so much". Silly things that would make me feel sure that he wants to be with us and he's happy here. I wouldn't be so worried like now. Cos how can I think that everything is fine and I have no reasons to suspect him when he comes back home, says "hi" and goes to the PC straight away to check e-mails, messages, comments etc. Then he plays or sleeps, eats dinner, takes a shower and goes to bed. I really don't mind him playing but I expect him to spend more time with us, with me. We even don't talk anymore just like that, about everything and about nothing. We don't stay in the bed after we wake up just to talk and cuddle. Even sex is not the same anymore. Sometimes I feel like he's doing that just cos he thinks he has to and wants to finish quickly. No kissing and cuddling before and after, just sex without meaning and then he sleeps straight away. It makes me feeling awful and I think he doesn't fancy me anymore. Of course he would be upset if I told him how I feel but I really feel like that. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy sex with him anymore cos I really do, I really, really do. Even if I feel like he doesn't give me enough attention, I still love it cos it makes me feeling happy and at least I can be so close to him. I love every single part of his body and he really drives me mad! The funniest thing is that I'm getting addicted to him and to sex with him. If I think about sex it's always and only with him. If just everything would make me so happy about him... Sex is not enough to make relationship working, suddenly...
In spite of all that I still love him to bits... And I want him to love me too... I think that the biggest problem here is that we don't talk so we don't know what the other thinks and feels, what we do wrong, what can we do to make our relationship better. If I try, he becomes upset that I'm afflicting him all the time. The problem is that we don't say "I love you" enough often too. I would love to hear that sometimes from him, not only as a replay.
I would do everything for him. I care about him really much. He doesn't have to worry about nothing at home and I really don't mind to do everything by myself. I would be happy just to know that I'm making him happy - that's all I wanted. To make him happy, to make him feel that he found someone for the rest of his life, that he doesn't have to worry about anything cos I'm here for him always, always will support him. But he just doesn't appreciate that. I'm not saying that I'm perfect buy at least I try. I know he misses his family and I wanted to give him one on his own to make him feel like at home. I know we can't be instead of his mother and godmother but I thought he'll be more happy here having us. It seems that I was wrong. I don't know anymore what can I do for him. I don't know what is he looking for still if he says that he loves me. Sometimes I think that he is with me cos he feels comfortable knowing that he has a place to come back and everything is waiting for him but I'm not good enough for him, I'm not enough pretty, enough smart, enough funny, enough sexy. That's why he behaves like that cos he finds in other women what I can't give him. It hurts badly... It really hurts!
In my dreams I see him coming back home, kissing me and saying "It's so good to be at home. I missed you", looking at Luana and saying "I'm so happy that she's here even if I wasn't ready to have kids, I can't imagine myself that she's not here", "I'm happy to have you all", "thank you that you care about me so much". Silly things that would make me feel sure that he wants to be with us and he's happy here. I wouldn't be so worried like now. Cos how can I think that everything is fine and I have no reasons to suspect him when he comes back home, says "hi" and goes to the PC straight away to check e-mails, messages, comments etc. Then he plays or sleeps, eats dinner, takes a shower and goes to bed. I really don't mind him playing but I expect him to spend more time with us, with me. We even don't talk anymore just like that, about everything and about nothing. We don't stay in the bed after we wake up just to talk and cuddle. Even sex is not the same anymore. Sometimes I feel like he's doing that just cos he thinks he has to and wants to finish quickly. No kissing and cuddling before and after, just sex without meaning and then he sleeps straight away. It makes me feeling awful and I think he doesn't fancy me anymore. Of course he would be upset if I told him how I feel but I really feel like that. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy sex with him anymore cos I really do, I really, really do. Even if I feel like he doesn't give me enough attention, I still love it cos it makes me feeling happy and at least I can be so close to him. I love every single part of his body and he really drives me mad! The funniest thing is that I'm getting addicted to him and to sex with him. If I think about sex it's always and only with him. If just everything would make me so happy about him... Sex is not enough to make relationship working, suddenly...
In spite of all that I still love him to bits... And I want him to love me too... I think that the biggest problem here is that we don't talk so we don't know what the other thinks and feels, what we do wrong, what can we do to make our relationship better. If I try, he becomes upset that I'm afflicting him all the time. The problem is that we don't say "I love you" enough often too. I would love to hear that sometimes from him, not only as a replay.
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