Small, shy light in the tunnel

        I haven't written last two days cos we were sorting our situation out. On Saturday I was ready to say "I'm sorry" but actually I don't know what for. I don't think I did something wrong. I don't know why I felt guilty about that situation. Of course it was hartbreaking seeing him so upset but... It was him who wasn't fair! I'm not saying that he's been with other woman but vanishing and leaving me for all days is not fair either. I don't want him to hold my hand the whole day but I expect more attention. It's not that much, is it?
           We had a chat on Saturday and everything is slowly backing to normal. It seems so. I don't know if he learnt something but I hope so. I just promised myself, not him - myself, that I will trust him. I'm a little bit jealous but I became like that cos he gave me the reasons. He can say it's not true, but he really did. And it's not true that I suspect him whenever he's not with me. I don't think like that. I'm just upset with things that I've seen, not with things that I can only emagine. I'm upset with facts. I decided to stop checking him and trust him in 100% cos I know that behaving like that I push him away and it just goes to the end of this relationship. I don't want it. So I'll trust him and hope he won't let me down. If he will it means that he's not worth to cry after him
            He seems to be upset with me when I go to the websites to chat with people. To be honest I went there just to show him how I feel when he does that. It seems that he did't read that message that I've tried to send him. He says that it's not fair but actually I do nothing wrong. Yeah, the fact is that only men are intrested in me there, but I was honest and wrote in my profile that I have kids and boyfriend and only looking for friendship. I found there some nice guys but I don't have any dirty conversations with them. All of them are very nice and say very nice things to me but to be honest I'm not that impressred cos I'd love to hear that from my own boyfriend instead of strange guys. I'm sick, I know. Or maybe just in love? For the first time in my life I don't find an interest in the other men. The only one I care about is Roy, he is the only one I want to be with and he is the only one that can make me happy. If he just want to...
            I'll really do everything to save this relationship. To make him happy. To make myself happy. To make our kids happy. It's all I want...