Ups and downs

Yeah, I haven't been here for ages! It only means that nothing changed. We sill have our ups and downs, like every relationship, but every healthy relationship has more ups while we have more downs... We were quite well recently and I thought that something changed but wasn't sure what: if he stopped with all that shit or I just stopped to care about it? Sometimes it seems that he understood something, sometimes he becomes even sweet and lovely like before, just after I met him, but sometimes is moody idiot like was recently. I still do my job: cook, wash, clean up, get up at 4 am to prepare his breakfast and lunch-box and sometimes we even look like normal happy family. But I feel that I changed myself inside, I don't have those strong feelings I had for him, I love him of course but it's not the same anymore, I still enjoy sex but don't want it so much like I used to, I don't look at him dreaming about the day he'll marry me - all these really scares me! It looks like the beginning of the end cos I went through this once. Anyway, he's been working very hard to make me feeling like this. I don't really feel comfortable with this guy and I don't like it. I always wanted to be with a man that will love me the most and I'll be perfect woman for him and I'll see his love in every step he takes. It's really sad... Maybe one day I'll meet someone like that, who knows...