Thoughts
All about me, times of happiness and times of sadness...
Confused
I woke up and made him a breakfast. He's still upset and doesn't speak to me at all, only if he has to. It seems like he wants to tell me something very serious but is not ready yet. I feel permanently sick. Where is my old Roy? Is it me who changed him so much? He seems to be so unhappy here, with me... I'm aware it's over, just we don't say it laud. I should leave before he'll tell me that cos I know I'll be heartbroken forever after hearing that from him...
Leaving to work he just said he's not sure if he's coming back home after work cos he wants to see the game. Ok. He even didn't ask if I need him. I have to go to the doctor today and can't take Luana with me cos they're gonna do some tests. Now I have to cancel this cos of course I won't tell him cos he'll be upset he can't watch the game. Eh...
Leaving to work he just said he's not sure if he's coming back home after work cos he wants to see the game. Ok. He even didn't ask if I need him. I have to go to the doctor today and can't take Luana with me cos they're gonna do some tests. Now I have to cancel this cos of course I won't tell him cos he'll be upset he can't watch the game. Eh...
Stupid or just in love?
Yesterday I was pretty sure I can't be with him anymore and there is no chance he can change my mind. But laying in the bed next to him, feeling his warm body and breathing his perfume in... I just couldn't stop myself from touching him. First he didn't react and it seemed he didn't want me anymore but then turned around and... we made love. It was so good to feel him again! It's not just sex I want from him. He is all I want! I love him so much! Sometimes I think I would die without him and I have to keep controlling myself from thinking like that cos I don't want to get hurt.
After all we had a short chat. He still didn't explain me the story with a girl that he's texting and why she wants to come to visit him but... I try to trust him.
He looks very upset today and I don't know what's happened. He doesn't want to tell me and I hate when he's like that. He even doesn't want to take money from me to give them back to my brother and said he doesn't like to borrow money from no one. I'm not no one, I'm his girlfriend and I want to give him that money! Sometimes this relationship seems to be the strangest I've ever had. But at the same time it's the relationship I care about the most ever.
Maybe I've done something wrong? I hope he's just in the bad mood. I'll see tomorrow.
After all we had a short chat. He still didn't explain me the story with a girl that he's texting and why she wants to come to visit him but... I try to trust him.
He looks very upset today and I don't know what's happened. He doesn't want to tell me and I hate when he's like that. He even doesn't want to take money from me to give them back to my brother and said he doesn't like to borrow money from no one. I'm not no one, I'm his girlfriend and I want to give him that money! Sometimes this relationship seems to be the strangest I've ever had. But at the same time it's the relationship I care about the most ever.
Maybe I've done something wrong? I hope he's just in the bad mood. I'll see tomorrow.
It's a hurt called love...
I don't know if it's something wrong with me or with him. Just don't understand. I'm tired of pretending that it's normal and I'm not worried. For a while I was closed to tell myself again that it's nothing, that it's just a man's nature, that I should keep quite like always and try to forget. But this time I just can't. I think it's just too much for me and I kept it inside of me for too long. I have a big mess in my head. From one side I love him so much and can't imagine my life without him and from the other side I remember myself all those awful things he's done and said to me. It's just enough, enough, enough!!!!
Is it possible to love someone so much and hate at the same time? I don't know... All I know it's time to say "goodbye". If it just didn't hurt so deeply! Suddenly, the greater we love, the more it hurts to part. I feel like the most important part of my body is being ripped from me. Just wanna sleep and wake up without this awful pain, don't feel, don't remember, don't love...
Is it possible to love someone so much and hate at the same time? I don't know... All I know it's time to say "goodbye". If it just didn't hurt so deeply! Suddenly, the greater we love, the more it hurts to part. I feel like the most important part of my body is being ripped from me. Just wanna sleep and wake up without this awful pain, don't feel, don't remember, don't love...
